Mount Fuji from Mount Kachi Kachi

Mount Fuji from Mount Kachi Kachi

Sunday, July 8, 2018

How to respond to negative people? Hit em' up style!

Are you happy?

This question keeps hanging on my mind lately. And honestly, I couldn't answer it firmly. Am I happy? Well, I used to be easily contented and happy with whatever God has given to me. I'm not that ambitious, having said that I will do my best come rain or shine and I'll work my butt off when it comes to my work. But if the end result is not on my side, I'm still contented. Of course I'll be sad for awhile, but I won't dwell too much on it. God have other plans for me, indeed :).

Lately I found myself sulking for the smallest things. Always stressing, overthinking and always negative. To be fair, I received unfair treatment and taken for granted by my managers all the time. Reason is I cannot, and will not 'kipas their axx', ever. Work was hectic as hell but motivation level is ZERO. Lately I feel everything is against me.

Mr. Stranger pointed this over and over to me "You give people the power to control your emotion, that's why you are always emotional". "I am NOT, you Mr. smarty axx. They are mean to me!" Of course that would be my answer to him, always. But he's starting to see as if I'm using him as a punching bag, always having to deal with my mood. Which makes me so sad because I never meant to do that. I was hoping that he would sympathize with my situation but that's just not his thing. "You are a strong independent women, you shouldn't ask for people to make you feel better." Ouch, that hurts.

The truth it, you can't really change how people want to treat you. Especially in an organization where office politics is harsh, and people always see you as a threat for them to get that job promotion, leading projects, etc. Some people are just plain ARSHOLE, JEALOUS and CRUEL. How the hell are you going to change that? But what you can definitely do is to change how you react to their negative treatment. Personally I would avoid conflict as much as possible, I can't deal with drama. But I guess I can't keep running away from it. I took these "10-Ways" from a website called Power of Positivity. The next time people are being mean, shall we try it?

1. Don’t take things personally - don't loose your cool @ don't let them win.
2. Do not rationalize their behaviour -just think that they are stupid.
3. Let them hear you - once in a while, give them a piece of your mind. They'll shut up.
4. Be compassionate - err, no thanks. They are stupid. and jealous. 
5. Separate yourself if needed - walkaway, always my 1st choice
6. Smile - how about, a nasty sarcastic smile?
7. Be mature - give intellectual answer. make them go gaga.
8. Do not judge or assume - be neutral? hahaha..we'll see.
9. Set positive boundaries - control what you can control
10. Maintain a realistic POV - As such, in the event that a negative person is trespassing and violating your positive frame of mind, it may be necessary to end ties. Love this!

Like Mr. Stranger always said to me, be very good at your job that people cannot live without you. But they must pay equal price for what they asked for. Know when you should 'jual mahal' and they'll learn to beg instead of commanding. Haish...I have yet to learn this skill.

P/S: After 6 months of daily texting Mr. Stranger is now giving me the silent treatment. We argued for the silliest things! So, am I happy? If he is happy, I will be too. Life must goes on.

Monday, March 26, 2018

To my beautiful stranger

So it's that phase again,
Where nights feels too short,
And days seems too long.

But this time it feels different,

This time is an exception,
For you are too precious,
Peculiar and bodacious.

Thank you for choosing to stick around,
Though you couldn't promise for how long,

So when it's time for our goodbye,
Let there be no regret, but only smile.
To my beautiful stranger;

That awakens my shielded emotion,
That captures my wounded heart,

Lets celebrate this union.
Lets celebrate us,

Before we return back this borrowed moments.

(27/03/18 - from FS to FK)

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Let's focus on bigger things!

I saw my Facebook reminder of my wonderful trip to Jeju Island last year, distracting me from my rough day abit. Got me thinking wow, there's so many wonderful, meaningful, exciting things in my bucket list that I've yet to complete! My travel journey has been dull lately. I went to Kyoto last month 100% for work-only purpose. So I'm going to Tokyo in Nov as a revenge for all the hardships that I've faced for the Kyoto business trip (I don't know who am I avenging actually). :/ Can't believe I've been to only 6% of the entire countries in the world so far! I thought I've travelled a lot, but I guess that's because I keep travelling to the same country over and over. Hahaha..Swiss and Italy has always been in my mind, and recently Morocco and Canada caught my interest too. But those countries are so far!! Huhuhu..I wish money grows on trees. And bosses have no rights to reject our annual leave application. That'll be good too. Let's plan! Or lets' dream!

Saturday, October 14, 2017

My pent up rambling

It's been a long time. I'm just so disappointed with my life right now. I really need a friend or a way to vent out my emotions but there just aren't any. Randomly browsing the internet and saw my pinned blog. I guess this is the best place to do it after all, after so many months of hiatus!

Since early this year, I kept feeling an emptiness, loneliness, insufficient, incapable and kind of lost. There is so much dissatisfaction pent up in me right now. I'm the kind of person who always need to spit out my feeling but I actually don't have that many closed friends (by choice). Those I have, are starting to have new priorities in their life such as family matter, marriage, babies, business, etc so I don't wanna be the party pooper for them. I really  want to be more active in social activities that I like, but I can't seem to do that either due to my work load right now. Our organization has changed and the bosses put me in-charged of the job that everyone in my section hated the most. It's chaotic & endless task. They gave me 1 staff, but she's just an old lady that I can't expect to do too much due to her complacency (she's just waiting for her retirement day, hey can't blame her though). But there's just so much to do and so little time & resources. Yet they insist the OTT result and performance every time.

I'm sure my mental stress is contributed by my work right now. It's really crazeee I sometimes wonder how other people can go home on time, never get scolded, never need to explain anything yet gets promoted easily. And here I am,  doing all the opposite things, and getting all the opposite result. I don't even have time to pee sometimes for god sake. I'm always the last one to go back due to the numerous emails and reports. And when I'm at home, I'll just plop into my bed without eating dinner, watching K-drama but I'll fell asleep in an instant.

The cycle will repeat itself and it starting to affect my health too. My skin is super bad I'm breaking out every so often I don't see the point of wearing makeup or dressing up anymore. And I can't seem to loose any weight at all so I stop going to the gym. Thanks for adding to my already low self-esteem. Sobs..I just don't have the energy and will power..huhuhu....Not to mention my mental & emotional state right now, I'm becoming more and more bitchy and bitter. I get angry and irritated by the smallest thing, like WTF?!! I usually just don't care what others think of me, but now I can't help but suspecting people are talking bad about me. I think they are, but maybe they are not. Sobs. I'm such a looser, this is so not me. I need professional help! :(

The root-cause of this chaos in life is right now derived from my dissatisfaction towards my bosses and this 1 colleague of mine. She is their no.1 favourite, a walking spy and act superior to others. Whenever there's a crisis, she'll appear out of nowhere throwing jabs like we don't do our job properly. Biatch pls!! Truth is she's able to keep her dirty laundry because she have so many people to back her up due to her good sucking. OMG. Get her away from me! My relationship with my boss is demn* sour because my boss is a jerk and double standard that he can't even treat his staffs fairly. I mean, how are you even a manager when you don't show up to the meetings sets earlier and don't even have the courtesy to inform or say sorry? I keep getting shits, yet I still try my best to turn things around without his help. However it's getting too taxing I'm loosing my respect toward this person. People say I need to suck up more in this kind of organization or else they'll continue making my life miserable. Maybe because they see me as a threat?

Well despite the daily shits that happen, I still like my job, a lot. I've worked my ass off to earn the place I am today. It's not something simply handed to me. So quitting my job, is not really solution right now. Of course they'll loose one hella good employee  but I know they don't give a dime after 1 week not more. But I'll loose what I have build so far. Still, is it worth it to live like this? To be treated like shit everyday? I know I have to be realistic, but it's important to dream and taking a risk too for your own happiness, right? I mean, I'm single (and not proud of it), I don't  have a mortgage (I live with my mom), I've paid up all my study loan (never got any scholar), so I can walkout anytime. Nothing is stopping me. Yet I'm still looking for the best way out. I don't wanna be on the loosing end for sure. But I'm already 36yo ahjumma, is there any company who would want me? Or maybe I should enrol in those kueh making classes that I've been eying for almost a year already. Maybe then I can quit and sell kueh instead and be my own boss. OMG..I'm loosing it.

While I'm searching for a solution, I'm gonna try a new mantra like below..
1. DONT CARE; if people criticize you, if you hear rumors, just walk away..
2. Don't involve in office politic; don't kepoci (susah nih!)
3. Must go back on time; even if your job tak siap (siap awal pun tak dapat apa..)
4. Never volunteer for anything, you already have too much on your plate (buat hati kering)
5. Go back to gym will ya lazy butt!!
6. Love is always there no matter how old are. It's there babe. Isseoyo..πŸ‘‰πŸ‘ˆ Look for it. πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘€

Reading book by the sea while listening to the sound of waves and seagull , sipping coffee in a cozy cafΓ© while listening to jazz music, sweating like pig after a good workout session, karaoke-ing with my kaki, watching Marvel movies in cinema, weekend road trip with the single ladies,  weekend halaqah with the sisterhood, weekly Quran session with the funny unties and uncles..

Gosh...I missed out doing all these things just because of the few poisonous people??!! I shouldn't have let them affect me like this. Why am I becoming so weak? I know I've been slacking in my deen. My ibadah and deeds are  not consistent. I know my own wrongdoing contributes to this stress as well. I am weak and easily astray. But why only me? Oh Allah, I know I'm not worthy, but have mercy on me..please.

P/S: My sister said; you are emo bcoz you have no boyfriend, you don't have a life. End of story. This is not the solution either. uwaa.

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Leaving SEOUL for JEJU..

Just a short but much needed trip with the usual suspects. 18/Aug/2016~26/Aug/2016. I bid farewell to my love. We were breathing the same hot summer air of Seoul city, yet I'm willing to let go this time. This time it felt so real, a bitter sweet farewell. Majimak Insak. Saranghe chagi..

We had the best time.

I'll be alright.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

The Clan